characterize my features
shall find their place in no small measure
due to the delight that swells my heart
when even briefly your voice finds my ear.
I would eagerly surrender my body
to be irrevocably ravaged
if it would but ensure
your lasting peace and safety.
At the promise of your benefit,
I would rush to face my deepest fears,
my fiercest demons.
I would unhesitatingly throttle and
cast them aside.
The most sinister night of my life,
with its angriest, most malevolent storms,
would render itself pleasurable
if I knew your love awaited me
without reservation at its end.
A few moments of you in your fullness
would be more than worth a trade,
not only of all my bleakest tomorrows,
but those with the brightest potential as well.
If you desire them, they are yours.
To you I freely give them; with you I long to share them.
The satisfaction from my best memories,
my greatest accomplishments so far,
pales next to the radiant light of
hopeful expectation I treasure of what lies ahead
between me and you.
Is death to be as lonely, then, as life has been?
Bury me on a windswept plain,
where the noise of its blowing might bring me comfort,
where its howling wails might cover the
anguished cries my soul has never dared to voice,
held so long captive by the ethereal bonds of propriety.
Sometimes I think I am rather strange. One time in ladies' Bible study at my church several years ago we were studying a book within which the main emphasis on womanhood/manhood was how best to suit oneself for one's current or hoped for mate. I made the comment that for some people, marriage isn't their main goal in life, and I remember the leader of that study could not seem to comprehend what I had even said. Basically, we agreed to disagree while I was assured that she would be praying for me to come to my senses and understand that as a woman, I was created to be a wife!
I know all the debates and blah blah blah about career vs. family, etc. I don't think I have necessarily chosen career over family...but I have chosen vocation. And for me, I don't think the primary vocation of my life has been a call to family. At least not thus far (I realize there is still a slight chance that will happen in the future). But the words I expressed above clearly reveal that "love" is a deep longing even in my heart - I who have chosen to pursue work rather than love still want love. It confirms my suspicion about relationships (not necessarily romantic ones, but you know, "home" and "family" and all that) being the crux of what it means to be human. We were not made to be (completely) alone!