---1---The crow's feet that will all too soon
characterize my features
shall find their place in no small measure
due to the delight that swells my heart
when even briefly your voice finds my ear.
I would eagerly surrender my body
to be irrevocably ravaged
if it would but ensure
your lasting peace and safety.
At the promise of your benefit,
I would rush to face my deepest fears,
my fiercest demons.
I would unhesitatingly throttle and
cast them aside.
The most sinister night of my life,
with its angriest, most malevolent storms,
would render itself pleasurable
if I knew your love awaited me
without reservation at its end.
A few moments of you in your fullness
would be more than worth a trade,
not only of all my bleakest tomorrows,
but those with the brightest potential as well.
If you desire them, they are yours.
To you I freely give them; with you I long to share them.
The satisfaction from my best memories,
my greatest accomplishments so far,
pales next to the radiant light of
hopeful expectation I treasure of what lies ahead
between me and you.
---2---Sometimes when I am feeling something deeply the only way I can find relief is through expressing it in some kind of poetry. (I'm not really sure that all of it could actually be considered "poetry"...but it at least seems more cadent than prose...in my mind anyway.) Then afterward, when the mood passes and I can function normally again, I either get a sarcastic laugh (or at least a privately embarrassed raised eyebrow, thankful no one else was privy to my lunacy...unless I also happened to be in a sharing mood...), or I turn it into fodder for future fictional endeavors. Like the poem above, for example; I would write a series of fantasy fiction called "The Lifesong Series" and use this poem (probably after reworking it some) to introduce progressive sections of a book narrating the hero/heroine's love-driven quest.
---3---I've mentioned before that sometimes I struggle with darker moods. They sometimes inspire poetry as well. A few weeks ago I was struggling with such a mood, and after I got home from work one morning I simply could not go to sleep until I had penned the following expression of hopelessness:
Is death to be as lonely, then, as life has been?
Bury me on a windswept plain,
where the noise of its blowing might bring me comfort,
where its howling wails might cover the
anguished cries my soul has never dared to voice,
held so long captive by the ethereal bonds of propriety.
I pulled out my phone, typed it in my email and sent it to myself (don't you wish you were the webmaster for THAT email account?! Yeah...it's scary being me sometimes O.o). So after I woke up, thankfully with a much brighter perspective on my human plight, I had a good chuckle at my twisted alter ego...and again thought, This will be good in a work of fiction someday.
---4---Along the thoughts of anguished affection (revert back to Take #1 above), a friend shared Rick Warren's post on Facebook today that said, "The easiest way to sabotage God's intended purpose for your life is to enter into a wrong relationship." I responded with the following comment: "Confession: sometimes I am tempted to think it might be worth it. Sometimes it seems the more He gives, the harder the battle not to throw it all away. Sabotage: great word choice."
Sometimes I think I am rather strange. One time in ladies' Bible study at my church several years ago we were studying a book within which the main emphasis on womanhood/manhood was how best to suit oneself for one's current or hoped for mate. I made the comment that for some people, marriage isn't their main goal in life, and I remember the leader of that study could not seem to comprehend what I had even said. Basically, we agreed to disagree while I was assured that she would be praying for me to come to my senses and understand that as a woman, I was created to be a wife!
I know all the debates and blah blah blah about career vs. family, etc. I don't think I have necessarily chosen career over family...but I have chosen vocation. And for me, I don't think the primary vocation of my life has been a call to family. At least not thus far (I realize there is still a slight chance that will happen in the future). But the words I expressed above clearly reveal that "love" is a deep longing even in my heart - I who have chosen to pursue work rather than love still want love. It confirms my suspicion about relationships (not necessarily romantic ones, but you know, "home" and "family" and all that) being the crux of what it means to be human. We were not made to be (completely) alone!
---5---While engaging in my philosophical thoughts on the above, and the general vanity of life - you know, the usual cheerful subjects - a Scripture came to mind. "For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit, because anyone who serves Christ in this way is pleasing to God and receives human approval" (Romans 14:17, NIV). My thoughts about God and church and His mission in the world have undergone some changes recently, so I often ponder exactly how to carry out His mission in my life in light of these changes. This Scripture says it well. Life can be quite vain, meaningless, and oh so fleeting. And yeah, it's important to enjoy the life we are given (after all, YOLO!). But I think the point of the Gospel is not to focus too much on heaven or hell (things we cannot quite comprehend) or on this life (things that are temporal, fading, and touched by corruption). Rather, God through Christ offers us wholesomeness, peace, and security. Those are not cheap or worthless gifts, friend!
---6---Miranda Lambert. In my book she is one of the greats, right up there alongside Alison Krauss. I love this song, and it feels like it fits this post somehow lol.
---7---On a completely unrelated note, a sweet friend gave me a jar of strawberry jam today, homemade by her! What lovely friends I have :).
Everyone have a most blessed weekend, and for more Quick Takes, check out Jen's post at Conversion Diary!