Refractions and Reflections

So far this year I have read 39 of my goal of 40 books. Most have been fantasy novels, and several from Diana Gabaldon's Outlander  series . This weekend I finally read the latest book from a blogger I began following around 10 years ago - One Beautiful Dream by Jennifer Fulwiler . That book inspired me last night to start  One Thousand Gifts  by Ann Voskamp . Thus, I went to the park today, sat under a picnic shelter in the cool morning breeze of one of the latter warm days of summer, and listened to leaves flutter and acorns fall around me. I have decided to begin my own list of 1,000 things for which I am grateful. The last few years my faith has dwindled and all but died. I haven't been terribly unhappy about this, but neither am I content. Regardless whether or not I believe, I NEED to rekindle eucharisteo (gratefulness - follow the link to read a bit about what Voskamp has to say on the subject), or else all my faith in anything  good will eventually shrivel ...

So...let's talk about the election, shall we? I am no longer conservative, and all my friends know I voted for Hillary. But now you know a little better why . And I know a little better that it is time to stop thinking I am "wrong" or have veered off the chosen path and don't deserve to have a voice anymore. I have studied. I have thought. I have prayed. I have worked to be a loving and empathetic person. I have fully experienced both sides of the liberal/conservative Ferris wheel. I have something to say. I have a few thoughts for my Bible-believing friends who believe God intervened so Trump would win and somehow save the world. "We fasted and prayed for this," they say. "Hillary was for abortions!," they say. And they believe deep within them that Democrats, and Hillary Clinton in particular, are truly evil, the instruments of Satan to bring about the downfall of America and Christianity. The rage...the rage I feel when you blame this trav...

First, a disclaimer. *MY SEMINARY DID NOT MAKE ME LIBERAL.* If any Pentecostals are reading this, and thinking they will never  send their kids to that place to turn out like I did, please set your minds at ease. I had some truly great professors, all of them dedicated to God, loving the world, and committed to deep thinking and education...and the application  of it to conservative ministry. Not all of them were ultra -conservative, but for the most part, yes, they were pretty conservative. And I still love them and treasure the teaching they gave me. But they couldn't keep me from studying on my own on the side. One of my last couple of semesters I took an exegetical/homiletical class on the Parables of Matthew. For our final project, we had to fully exegete (study the Greek and read history and commentaries, etc.) and then produce sermons on 3 of the parables of Jesus found in the Book of Matthew. The top 3 or 4 papers would get published as an annual anthology. (I actu...

In Part 1, I talked about some individuals I had encountered after moving to Springfield, Missouri, in April 2012. In Part 2, I mentioned some of the ideas I had encountered between about 2005 and also after I moved to Springfield in 2012. Now in Part 3, let's go back to Springfield, and I'll tell you about THE person I met that continued and perhaps cemented the process of change in me from conservativism to whatever I am today (liberal? progressive? I prefer progressive). Her name was Glenda. I met her at the job where I had the atheist and the lesbian as friends. She moved there in 2013, and I met her as soon as she got to Missouri from the state from which she had moved. Her brother was a daytime therapist where I worked and was working late that night. When she stopped in to see him, he happened to bring her through the space where I was working, and she held my newly acquired puppy. She started working there soon after, on my shift. She was very obviously gay (short ha...

Not only did I get to know and converse with people with different perspectives during this time; I also found some new reading material. My first foray into reading different points of view than my own, or perhaps even just different views that still claimed to be "Christian," took the form of blogs. I found them in my downtime while working at the headquarters of the denomination I was credentialed with at the time, so it would have been way back between 2005 and 2009. I read a lot of Catholic blogs, even though I had been raised to believe Catholics were idolaters and worshiped Mary as equal to God when "the Bible plainly says" the Lord is One, and to have no other Gods before Him. I was shocked to find these Catholic writers (like this one , and this one which I still follow today ) really seemed to love God, just as much as I did. If they were heretics, why did their words speak to me and spiritually encourage me when I needed it? From there I found other, ...

When I lived in Springfield, Missouri, a cynical, pessimistic, atheist coworker started Facebook messaging me out of the blue. This guy had good reason to be cynical and pessimistic (for reasons I won't mention here to respect his privacy); he also was a very decent human. He devoted his nights to working in a residential facility for teens, mostly from the foster care system, with behavioral problems, and during the day he helped rehome abused/abandoned animals. His Facebook messages made me EXTREMELY uncomfortable, with their accusations of two-faced Christians, their pointing out of all the suffering and evil in the world, and their BS-calling of certain "scriptural" principles I had always taken for granted and held very dear. "Eli" was brutal in driving home his anger and spiritual frustration in these online conversations. But I couldn't disengage him. He appealed to my pride by telling me repeatedly how much he appreciated that I didn't judge him...

Sometimes I think it is easy to overlook the work it takes to make oneself a better human being. It is so much easier to place one’s own needs above another’s, and it is easier to spew hateful or reactionary words than those that build up or facilitate forgiveness or reconciliation. Showing mercy is not easy; it is a sacrifice. I have a handful of younger siblings. One is eight years younger than me, two are ten years younger than me, and another is a whole whopping twenty years younger than me! The older one has some developmental disabilities, and the youngest one is only 13, so their infractions on my nerves are more easily overlooked. The twins, though…well, that is another story. Growing up, I never would have thought we would have a “regular” sibling relationship with ten whole years between us! When you are young, that is a huge difference. But lo and behold, we grew up, and ten years is no longer all that great of a time span. Usually . But then there are sometime...

For 2016 I have decided to do a study on ethics - from both theistic and non-theistic points of view. I reached out on Facebook for recommendations on where to find sound sources for the non-theistic side. One of the first things I am reading, from the non-theistic recommendations I obtained, is Eliezer Yudkowsky's Rationality: From AI to Zombies . I am on chapter 17, and so far I really like the book (based on a series of blog posts he did between 2006 and 2009 on two blogs: Overcoming Bias  and Less Wrong ). However, I took exception with some of his claims about the Bible in chapter 16, not because I wish to argue, but because I desire to find the truth for myself, and I find a hiccup with this part of his thesis. I admit that as I read further, perhaps my questions along the way will resolve themselves. But for the time being, I will post them here. Yudkowsky says, “Not only did religion used to make claims about factual and scientific matters, religion used to make cl...

I'm borrowing my mom's car temporarily, and it has a luxury I've never known before: I can hook my iPod up and play my music in it! I knew this technology existed for others, but it never has for me until now. I'm in love. And I've been hearing a lot of songs I forgot I had (because I haven't listened to my iPod in quite a while). Today on my way home from work, I heard this one: Today I also had an old friend call one of my Facebook posts blasphemous. This was the post: I shared the meme because I believe what it says. It's that simple. This is a theologically-inclined blog, but the last couple of years I haven't written much that has been theologically inclined, and what I have written probably didn't sound much like me to those who knew me previously. That's because what I believe has undergone a HUGE, slow change. I believe differently than I used to. Before I was ultra-conservative. Now I am pretty progressive. Before I was Pentec...

-1- Since August of 2002, when I moved to Joplin for college, I have lived in Missouri. Since this August or September, I have been considering moving back to Ohio...it just seems that besides jobs, I really have nothing holding me in Missouri anymore, except a handful of friends I never see anyway. I got some employment opportunities in order and decided to move on December 12 - pretty much finish out the school semester subbing, but still have time to get paperwork through for jobs in Ohio to start after the first of the year. But things worked out so I got to move a month early! My bosses were very understanding - I had great jobs in Springfield. -2- My brother Sam came to Missouri to visit, and so I moved back with him. On the way we stopped at Cahokia Mounds, a UNESCO World Heritage Site, near Collinsville, IL. We decided we should do YouTube videos of "tours" of popular tourist sites. For instance, as we approached the north end of the temple mound where I t...

The other night one of the children at the residential facility I work at got up in the middle of the night and tried everything under the...moon...to keep from going back to bed. At one point she was reading to my work partner from a children's story Bible. My coworker said to the child, "You're really good at reading. What is your favorite part of that story?" The child replied, "The part where Adam and Eve get kicked out for no reason." We laughed at this (not in front of the child). My first thought was, "Someone didn't listen very well when this passage was explained...she missed the whole point!" My second was more along the lines of...it probably does  seem to her that they were kicked out (of the Garden of Eden) for no reason. All they did was eat an apple. They disobeyed God in eating the forbidden fruit, yes; but from this child's perspective, disobedience is part of everyday life - especially this child, one who is in resid...

I am excited to join with the link-up this week, but I don't think I'm far enough in my worldbuilding to think about transportation yet. So I'm beginning here by submitting the work-in-progress creation story for my world. One of the larger difficulties I've run into is coming up with good names (for people AND places). Where do you get your inspiration for names? Are the names I've chosen here too complicated? (Other thoughts on the following submission are welcome, too.)  Here, too, is a rough, incomplete, and likely-to-be-changed map of my world: [Beginning still needs fleshed out, but: gods overcome with plague – last to survive are the Sebestri siblings. Dying grandfather gives them each a handful of seeds to plant so another race will grow and take over where the gods left off. Sebestris put the seeds in their pockets and run as fast as they can, thinking they can escape the plague and continue living as they always had. Maybe they could even pla...

This is not a writing/fiction blog. However, it is my personal blog, and one thing I am doing right now is attempting to write a fantasy novel. One blogger I follow is beginning a biweekly hop: There will be a prompt for each submission, but it is not necessary to follow it; more information for those interested here . I'm not sure I will participate every Wednesday, but I do plan to participate some. For example, the first week's theme is Transportation. I don't think I'm far enough in my planning to consider that just yet, but I may enter with another subject. (However, I may not participate at all this first week because there is a submission deadline and I just found out about the hop.)  Thought I'd let anyone interested know about the hop, and let any of my readers know that it's possible they'll be reading some fiction here biweekly. But no, my blog as a whole has not switched genres.  Hope some of you participate! I'm really looking...

Seems like I haven't had much to say for a while, but all of a sudden the last day or two I've felt like posting several times. And not bad/stressful stuff, either! Yay!! :) So...my last post. Yes, I know it may have been a little volatile. But I'm leaving it, because it's where I'm at. And the initial purpose of this blog was to be a place to discuss my theological thoughts, because I had MANY. All the time. I'm changing a lot. Discovering truth is a large part of who I am, and the lifetime JOURNEY to discovering that truth is something I treasure, even though at times I find it difficult being in an "in-between," less-certain place. So, I noticed I lost a follower. That's okay (though it just goes to prove the point of my last post). It's hard to face difficult questions or very opposing views to what we believe - it causes a very uncomfortable condition called cognitive dissonance. I've been there. It IS very uncomfortable, and that...

Through a friend's social media post this week I came into contact with this article on how atheists find meaning and purpose in life. This was actually always one of the questions I could never wrap my mind around when I thought Christian evangelism was the highest purpose/call one could pursue. And I didn't see how everyone else couldn't come to the same conclusion and seek that higher meaning which, in my opinion, was to love, serve, and recruit more lovers and servers for Jesus. (Side note: I highly recommend giving this article a read if you are a Christian.) But you know what isn't fair (besides pretty much most things)...? The hipster-culture, materialistic jump-up-and-down-in-the-smoke-and-lights, first-world Christians of today who think the rest of the world to be arrogant rejecters of Christ, and poor Christians to be lacking in faith and not living in the full potential of the "abundant life" available to them, and poor "unreached" pe...

It has been quite a while since I've posted! I wanted to stop in here and chat you up with something kind-of light, so I thought I'd join this link-up for the first time when two of the blogs in my feed reader featured the same title today! So... WHAT I'M INTO: JULY 2015 EDITION Music All things 70s. I, as the last person on the planet, bought two new albums via iTunes yesterday: Elton John's Goodbye Yellow Brick Road and Fleetwood Mac's Rumours . A friend and I went and saw Elton at the end of March, and I read a biography of him after that, and this is far-and-wide purported to be his best album ever. To think, six months ago I barely had any clue who the rocker was. I knew some of his songs, but had no idea he was the artist behind them. Even the Lion King , people!! My favorite songs on this album are "Goodbye Yellow Brick Road" (of course), and also "Sweet Painted Lady" and "Roy Rogers" (not necessarily in that or...

Ahh! My life is just completely stupidness right now. I don't think I'm going to do the challenge after all. Thank you for the support, though! And who knows, maybe I'll pop in from time to time and do something with it anyway....

Today I ran across a challenge that started YESTERDAY and runs through July 14th. It's called the 100 Day Project . Another blogger I follow is doing it with poetry. Last week my friend and I went to Las Vegas and, while we were there, saw Elton John in concert. Totally worth the ticket price!! It was definitely the best concert I've been to, and I've seen a few great acts, like the Avett Brothers, and Bob Dylan! Anyway...I'm now reading an Elton John biography and am just so completely inspired by his and his songwriting collaborator's (Bernie Taupin) creativity, I think I am going to do the challenge with poetry, too. It's a continual interest in my life. Do I think I will be the next (female) Elton John? Hahahahahahahahahahahaha no. But it's fun. And maybe I'll end up with a song from this! That would be cool, and something I've always wanted to do (not with a passion, but with an interest). So...on to #100DaysOfPomeletry! (I wanted a uni...