Ready To Take a First Step Back

So far this year I have read 39 of my goal of 40 books. Most have been fantasy novels, and several from Diana Gabaldon's Outlander series. This weekend I finally read the latest book from a blogger I began following around 10 years ago - One Beautiful Dream by Jennifer Fulwiler. That book inspired me last night to start One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp. Thus, I went to the park today, sat under a picnic shelter in the cool morning breeze of one of the latter warm days of summer, and listened to leaves flutter and acorns fall around me. I have decided to begin my own list of 1,000 things for which I am grateful.

The last few years my faith has dwindled and all but died. I haven't been terribly unhappy about this, but neither am I content. Regardless whether or not I believe, I NEED to rekindle eucharisteo (gratefulness - follow the link to read a bit about what Voskamp has to say on the subject), or else all my faith in anything good will eventually shrivel up and die.

Allow me to begin my list here: I am grateful for...

1. The beauty and peace of a city park.

To whom am I grateful? I would love to say, "God."

In the last six years I have attended church less than 10 times. Today was one of those times. I went to a local St. Mary's Catholic Church. The Gospel text was the one where Jesus asks His apostles who folks say He is, and then who they say He is. When Simon answers, "You are the Christ," Jesus tells him God revealed this to him, and gives him a new name: Peter. The minister said we know later Jesus gave Peter yet another new name: Satan (when Peter tried to talk Jesus out of going knowingly to His death). In the first naming, Peter was thinking like God. In the second, he was thinking like a human again.

I've been wondering if I have been going about my search for God in the wrong way and not giving simple faith enough stock.

Anyway, I am ready to take a few baby steps.

To paraphrase a Scripture, Lord, I want to believe. If You are there, please help my unbelief. 


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